ROMANCE MATHEMATICS :
Smart man + Smart woman = romance
Smart man + Dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + Smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC :
Smart boss + Smart employee = profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH :
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS :
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS :
To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman,
you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY :
Married men live longer than single men do,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE :
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change,
and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE :
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW I STOPPED PEOPLE FROM BUGGING ME ABOUT GETTING MARRIED :
Old aunts used to come up to me at Weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at Funerals.