One day a florist went to a BARBER for haircut.
After the cut, he went to pay the barber.
Barber replied: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
I am doing a Community Service.
Florist was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the Barber opened his shop,
there was a “Thank You” Card
with a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner went for a haircut.
When he went to pay, the barber
again refused to take the money.
The Confectioner too was happy and
left the shop.

The next morning when the Barber opened his shop,
there was another “Thank you” Card
with a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer went for a haircut.
When he wanted to pay the barber,

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, ” Is this your computer ?” Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, ” No.”
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said “No, not at all!!”
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said ” Yes.”
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer
Asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?”
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !”. So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends , it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week,
company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and
wishes her a good trip.
Wife:
Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?
Husband with a laugh:
An Italian girl !!!
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport.
Husband:
So, honey, how was the trip?
Wife:
Very good, thank you.
Husband:
And, what happened to my present?”
Wife:
Which present?
Husband:
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!
Wife:
Oh, that! Well, I did what I could,
now we have to wait for nine months
to see if it is a girl !!!

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said:
“Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody. ”
The judge turned to the husband and said:
“What do you have to Say in your defense?”
The man sat for a while contemplating…
then slowly rose.
“Your Honor…
If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine.
A Pepsi Comes out…
Whose Pepsi is it…
The machine’s or mine ?”

A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond rings,
a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach
and gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband.
I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife
to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”

WHO DOES WHAT

A Man and his Wife were having an argument about
who should brew the coffee each morning.

Wife :
You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
Husband :
You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job
and I can just wait for my coffee.
Wife :
No, you should do it, and besides,
it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.
Husband :
I can’t believe that, show me.

So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says ………..
“HEBREWS”

DONT FOLLOW THIS NICE COUPLE

A man and his wife were having
some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM ”
He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.”